SKY CLUB CUISINE
– or –
When Life Hands you a Club, Make a Sandwich
Flying home from Poland last weekend, I experienced a two-hour delay in Detroit.
Well, technically, Delta had a two-hour delay. But I was along for the ride.
No biggie, since, a couple of years ago, I went all-in on the airline, and purchased a membership to their “Sky Club” lounges (along with promising them my absolute loyalty, as well as any potential second-born. That’s how airlines work, these days).
Now I freely admit this is very “One-Percenter” territory. However:
- I fly enough that it’s almost essential.
- It’s a business expense. And a legitimate one, too. Not like that Warhammer Army my wife doesn’t know I just bid on, no-siree!
- The drinks are free, and I’m a sucker for mediocre IPAs.
Most importantly, as Sara Benincasa notes in her essay ‘Join the Fancy Club at the Airport,’ “I deserve a break, just like any of those fancy people. And so, dear reader, do you.” So who are we to argue with Sara? So with two free hours, I started thinking about ways to get into trouble at things to do at the Delta Sky Lounge.
— Maybe John Kovalic (@muskrat_john) May 3, 2017
US airline lounges are pretty spartan things, compared to their European counterparts. But the Yanks started upping their game – slightly – over the last few years. USA! USA! USA!
Though still far from on par with the rest of the civilized world, long-gone is Delta’s Sky Clubs‘ hard-boiled-eggs-and-chicken-salad-only nadir. Soups, meatballs, hot and virtually edible chicken, and mac and cheese have started popping up, more often than not. O BRAVE NEW WORLD!*
With a literal buffet of possibilities at my disposal, I experimented. STEP ONE: Take one Nissen-brand Cup Noodles ‘cup’ that some Delta Sky Clubs have been offering since (I’m spitballing, here) the upturn in Asian business.
STEP TWO: Add hot water from the Starbucks-brand coffee machine. (These first two steps aren’t rocket science, TBH).
STEP THREE: Re-cover the cup, and wait for three minutes. (OK, nor is step 3, printed right on the cup).
STEP FOUR: Dump the Cup Noodles of the wretched salt-laden death-slurry it calls “soup,” saving the softened noodles. This is actually more satisfying than it should be. This junk is so salty, I found myself craving water, just watching it.
STEP FIVE: Go to the salad area. Yes, Delta now has a “salad area.” Shut up. Anyway, top the noodles with some warm of those chicken chunks that just seem to be sitting there, in need of…something – a kind word, perhaps? (Actual Chicken location and availability may vary according to Sky Club).
STEP SIX: Wander over to the soups. Delta usually has two available. Fill cup of noodles and chicken with either Wicked Thai or Butternut Squash Curry soups, if on-hand (others may work in a pinch – I’m looking at you, Italian Wedding Soup).
STEP EIGHT: And voila! Enjoy a tasty raman-esque snack, and smile quietly to yourself, as other patrons look in horror! Bon appetite!
@muskrat_john Hey John, looks delicious. Glad you’re enjoying. *JY
— Delta (@Delta) May 3, 2017
It was, Delta.
Oh, it was…
*Super-deluxe props to Delta’s main Detroit Sky Club, for serving bona-fide National Coney Island hot dogs on Thursdays and Fridays!